It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
