The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
