you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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