no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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