like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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