Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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