Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
