Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
