I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
