I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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