I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
