My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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