If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
