Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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