i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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