That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
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The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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