I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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