I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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