How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
