but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
