it's not cheating when I paid for it
cat food counts as protein by the way
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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