You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The beer is more important than you right now.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
