have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
there is glitter all over my balls
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