I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
