Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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