Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
