im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
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