Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
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I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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