wanna go halves on a baby?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
P.S. I can't hear my feet
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize