Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
