girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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