Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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