New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
