No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
