he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize