Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
