I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
my liver is dry heaving
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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