$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
