It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
