It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
