Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
