he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
