That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
