The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
