come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
