I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
