i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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