her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
