He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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