who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
