you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
