You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
