I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
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