I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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