maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
