my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
