I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
