Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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