Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
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the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
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You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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